ESPN has a nice overview of the lame Braun apology. This may be an especially bad one, but sports apologies are generally horrible. Let’s break this one down.
As I have acknowledged in the past, I am not perfect.
ESPN covered this one well. What? You aren’t the messiah? Who knew?
I realize now that I have made some mistakes.
Sympathetic response would be just, “well duh”. The more real response would be, “so when you were using illegal drugs and denigrating the integrity of the drug testing employee it didn’t dawn on you that this was wrong? You just figured this out?”.
I am willing to accept the consequences of those actions.
Sure, only now when you have zero choice.
This situation has taken a toll on me and my entire family, and it is has been a distraction to my teammates and the Brewers organization.
I am the victim here, feel sorry for me. No, really.
I am very grateful for the support I have received from players, ownership and the fans in Milwaukee and around the country.
Thankfully most fans are suckers who will always root for their uniform.
Finally, I wish to apologize to anyone I may have disappointed — all of the baseball fans especially those in Milwaukee, the great Brewers organization, and my teammates.
This is the classic sports non-apology. “I didn’t do anything wrong, but if you are disappointed in me I’m sorry for that”. This is the total BS apology. Not apologizing for doing something wrong, apologizing to anyone who might be upset. Please.
I am glad to have this matter behind me once and for all, and I cannot wait to get back to the game I love.
This is the wishful thinking line. “I desperately want this to be behind me so I can continue to make millions”.
Ryan Braun just did it, but you can go back to most sports apologies and find the same pattern.